Father…!! You Understand His Presence Only When He Is Not There
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| Father..!! |
The Fathers Who Loved Without Saying It
Today, while scrolling through social media, I saw too many Father’s Day posts.
Photos with fathers.
Old memories.
Stories.Some funny, some emotional.For a few minutes, I just kept scrolling.
Then I thought… why not write one? After all, if there is one person who deserves a Father’s Day post from me, it has to be my Hero.
My Appa.
But where do I start?
Do I talk about the father who never openly showed affection?
The father who would hand over his earnings to my mother and trust her to manage the entire family?
Or do I talk about the first and last beating I got when I was around 12 years old?
No…
My father is much more than that.
People often say that when you become a father, you start understanding your own father better.
I think that is true.
Especially for people like us whose fathers belonged to the generation before the 80’s.
They were different.
Not bad.
Not uncaring.
Just different.
They grew up in a world where men were expected to be tough.
A father was supposed to earn, solve problems, take responsibility and move on.
Emotions were kept inside.
Tears were hidden.
Love was rarely spoken.
Many of them would probably cry only when nobody was around.
And if something was troubling them, they would carry it alone.
My father was one among them.
He never openly told us he was proud.
He never came and hugged us.
He never sat and explained how much he loved us.
But today when I look back, I can see it everywhere.
In his actions.
In his sacrifices.
In the small moments which I never understood as a child.
Sometimes I feel ego was their biggest problem.
Not the ego we talk about today.
The kind of ego that never allowed them to bend.
Never allowed them to openly appreciate.
Never allowed them to say “I love you.”
But deep inside, they cared more than anybody else.
I am damn sure if my father had lived longer and crossed his sixties comfortably, he would have become the best grandfather.
Unfortunately life had other plans.My daughters never got the chance to know him.
And that is one thing I will always miss.My father was great.Not because he was perfect.
But because of the way he loved us.Let me tell you why.
The Tricycle That Cost More Than Money
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| The Tricycle |
One of the oldest stories in our family is about a tricycle.
My mother still tells this story whenever she gets an opportunity to embarrass me in front of relatives.
I must have been around four or five years old. At that time we were not financially strong.
Lower middle-class family. My parents were still trying to establish themselves. Every rupee mattered.
And there I was. A stubborn fellow. I wanted a tricycle. Not tomorrow. Not next month. Immediately.
And because I did not get it, I decided I would not eat. Breakfast skipped. Lunch skipped. Now my mother was worried.
Today when I think about it, I feel bad for troubling them so much. But as a child, all I knew was that I wanted that tricycle. Finally my mother convinced my father. And somehow, the same day, I got one.
At that age I thought I had won. Today I see it differently. Today I see a young father struggling to earn, trying to build a life for his family, managing expenses and still finding a way to make his son’s silly dream come true. That tricycle was not just a toy. It was a father’s love. A love he never expressed in words.
The ₹150 Lesson I Never Forgot
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| Lesson i never forgot |
Let me tell you another story.This happened when I was in high school. One Saturday I was in my father’s workshop. He was busy with work and did not have time to pay the electricity bill. He handed me the bill and some cash. I don’t remember the exact amount. Maybe around ₹150. For those days, it was not a small amount. The electricity office was hardly a few streets away.
Simple job.
Go.
Pay the bill.
Bring back the receipt.
That was it.
I kept the money in my front pocket and started walking. Everything was fine. Until I reached the counter. I searched my pocket. Nothing. Checked again. Nothing. The money had disappeared.I still remember that feeling. My heart started racing. There were no mobile phones in those days. No way to call and inform. I walked back almost one and a half kilometres searching every inch of the road.
Nothing. The money was gone. Now I had a bigger problem. How do I face my father? The fear was not about the money. The fear was about disappointing him. Finally I did what every scared child does. I ran to my mother. I entered from the other side of the house so that my father wouldn’t see me. With my heart pounding, I told my mother that I had lost the money. Even today I feel mothers are the bridge in most families. Whenever children are scared, confused or in trouble, they automatically run to their mother. Not because fathers are bad. Not because fathers are strict. It is just how families work.
Mothers become the bridge. When my father came home for lunch, I sat in another room pretending to do homework. But honestly, I was not reading a single word. My ears were fully focused on what they were discussing. Finally, my mother told him. “Your son lost the money you gave him.” I was ready for the worst. The response shocked me. “It’s okay.” That was all. Just three words. Later when I stood before him with my head down, he patted my back and said, “Hope you learnt.” That’s it.
No shouting.
No anger.
No lecture.
Today when I think about it, I realise he understood something I didn’t. I had already learnt the lesson.
There was no need for punishment.
Fever, A Scooter Ride, and a Father’s Care
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| Father's care |
Another incident is still very fresh in my memory. I was in college. One day after attending a couple of classes, I came back home. I was not feeling well. By afternoon my fever became very high. I was wrapped inside two or three blankets and lying on the bed. When my father came home for lunch, he saw me. He didn’t say much. That was normal. Few words. That was his style. A little later, I got up to walk towards the dining area. Suddenly everything went blank.
I fainted.
The next thing I remember was hearing my mother’s voice.
Panic.
Fear.
“Entha aaythu maga…”
After a few minutes when I regained consciousness, I found myself sitting between my father and mother on our scooter.
My father was driving us to the hospital.
Again, no dramatic words. No emotional display.
Just action.
That was his way of caring.
When Life Tested Him, He Simply Stood Strong
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| Life Tested |
There was another difficult time when my brother met with a serious accident while crossing the road.
His leg was badly injured. At that time my mother was away taking care of my grandmother who was unwell. The responsibility completely fell on my father.And he handled it. Just like he handled every crisis in life.Quietly. Without creating panic. Without showing fear. Looking back now, I realise fathers often carry burdens silently so that the family can stay calm.
The Day I Saw Pride in His Eyes
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| Day i saw pride |
As time passed, I completed my studies and started attending interviews. Life was becoming difficult.
My father’s health was no longer good. There was not much income coming in. My brother was still studying. We were surviving with whatever savings were left. Even a small setback during that period could have affected the entire family. People will always say they are there for you. But when real problems come, you quickly learn how few people actually stand beside you. Then came the day I got my job offer. I still remember that journey back home. My father came to the bus stand to pick me up.
We travelled back together. Very few words were spoken. But throughout the journey I kept looking at him. And for the first time I could clearly see it. Pride. He never said it. Men from his generation rarely did. But I knew. His eyes said everything. That day I felt I had done something meaningful for him.
The Grandfather My Daughters Never Got to Meet
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| Never Got to Meet |
Sometimes I wonder what life would have been if he was still here.
I never wanted anything extraordinary.
I simply wanted to make my father and mother proud.
I wanted to buy things for him which he never bought for himself.
I wanted him to enjoy life without worrying about money.
I wanted him to spend time with his grandchildren.
I wanted to see him teaching them things.
I wanted to see him become the grandfather I know he would have been.
With a small farm around, I am sure he would have happily spent his evenings there.
Looking after plants. Talking to neighbours. Playing with grandchildren. Enjoying a slower life.
Simple dreams. Nothing more.
Appa, There Is Still One Thing Left To Say
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| Appa |
Today I see parts of you through Amma. Sometimes when she says something or reacts in a certain way, I see you. And I miss you. More than words can explain.
Appa…
If there is one thing I want to tell you today, it is this.
I loved you.
Maybe I never said it enough. Maybe we belonged to a generation where such things were never spoken openly. But I loved you. And I still do. If I ever get another life, I have only one request.
Let me live it with my complete family around me for as long as possible. One day, sooner or later, we will meet again. And when we do, I just want to hug you. Nothing else. Just a hug.
And tell you how much I loved you.
Before You Close This Page...
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| Before you close this page |
For everyone reading this… If your parents are still around, spend time with them.
Please don’t let ego win. Life is much shorter than we think. Sometimes they may say things that hurt us. Sometimes they may be stubborn. Sometimes they may insist that their way is the right way.
It’s okay.
Pause for a moment.
Think again.
Call them.
Visit them.
Sit with them.
Have that conversation.
Because one day we will give anything for just one more cup of tea with them, one more argument, one more piece of advice, one more ordinary day.
Don’t wait for that day to realise their value.
Happy Father's Day, Appa
Miss you Appa… Always.
